*A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise.* A. A. Milne ~Teddy Bear
This post is a tad bit venting, a tad bit holding onto His strength, and a tad bit resilience...to my loverly followers, take what you can from it whatever your spiritual beliefs are... my belief in my Lord Jesus is critical to who I am, and so it will come out from time to time in my blogs :)
Today once again, I heard of some VERY negative, demeaning, frustrating things said about me. I know the person saying these things has some deep emotional wounds themselves...and so some of that negativity is merely their own hurts and frustrations coming out.... I do not hate the one saying the words, no matter how fiery mad it made me...that too, is by the help of my Daddy God... because sometimes that's not very easy for me.... and actually...I also owe them a thanks in another somewhat un-related realm for being far stronger then in the past...and for that I am very very grateful....I can actually say I am proud of them for a wise decision made at a critical moment...and also say, I believe that strength pleased the heart of our Daddy God..... This person may or may not read this blog...I will not call them out publicly, which is why I'm being as tad bit vague, so bear with me.. ;) ... though I think they might come across this.
THAT being said... make NO mistake... I WILL conquer this battle with my weight. Nearly 60 pounds and oodles of inches is no easy task, and i am DARN PROUD of how far I have come....... I'd like to see how some people would fare if they had to do so... We ALL wear suits of destructive things we hide behind... Mine happens to have been weight..... it happens to be externally evident... but there should be NO pointing of fingers, because we ALL have struggles!!!! However NOW.... that weight, which was once both physical, spiritual and emotional...has lost it's tethering.. perhaps little snippets of the emotional and spiritual elements remain, but is 97% just a physical burden at this point!
It IS being shed, and yes, I do believe this... for me in my personal spiritual walk..... it is being shed by the blood of Christ. He will give me what I need to win this battle. He has been working on getting me strong enough mentally and emotionally the last few years to really tackle what's BEHIND my flubber suit....and that is ALL that it is!!!! The outside person needs to come now into proper alignment with who I have become inside..and the inside Aimee is MUCH stronger then she used to be... MUCH MORE willing to stand up and fight for herself and not be pushed around by others' words or even my own insecurities.... so that NOW with proper nutrition and dedicated exercise.... it is only a matter of time before I am outwardly healthy as well....how MUCH time... only He knows... but the point is, is that as long as I continue on my dedicated path.....IT WILL BE!
The point of this blog, other then my need for a bit of venting... is also to encourage those of you with weight struggles ( or any other thing that threatens to hold you in bondage to shame and feelings of low self worth and inadequacies) that YOU ARE PRECIOUS. YOU ARE WORTH fighting for! YOU ARE one of a KIND.... YOU ARE BELOVED...... again, I am going to my spiritual roots here... so please bear with me if that's not your thing...but a verse a dear friend, in fact the friend who first told me about the depth of God;s love for me shared with me and has now become my * life* verse says...
* 13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.*
Psalm 139:13-18 NIV
I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY MADE. YOU...are fearfully and wonderfully made!!! NO ONE is an accident to the heart of God... no matter how they were physically conceived....
And if faith is not something that drives you... find this truth in other ways. Look into the eyes of your children. Hear the lift in a tired voice when you treat a weary stranger with kindness at the cash register.... See the lives of those around you, each of whom you touch that no one else can..whether it's for 30 seconds, or 30 years... YOUR LIFE means something to SOMEONE! Get yourself HEALTHY... for yourself, yes...but more so, so you can POUR your love... your charity of heart into the hurting souls around you.
Life is not about money...or fame... notoriety.... life is about relationships... nurturing people...giving of yourself and allowing others to replenish you in turn....trying to see the hurts thrown at you in a different light, and trying to see the best in others, even thru the haze of hurtful things... if we ALL could live like that... this wacked out world we live would run SO much more smoothly!
Okies. LOL. I know this was a kind of crazy, random tangent rant...but hey, it's my blog, I can say what comes to my heart ;) We can let the hurtful things around us either destroy us, or refine us....I am trying, my hardest, to use this life-long struggle, from every cruel name I was called as a child ( jabba the hutt) to these current flaming arrows to instead toast away all the layers of lies I've believed in about myself and strive to see myself through the lens of God's eyes, and those who are in my life He has sent to cherish me.
Stand up for yourself... get yourself healthy, inside AND out... so you can be who you were created to be. Love deeply, forgive even when it cuts like a knife...and above all... seek goodness... for me, it is resting in Him. For others, it may be letting go of an unhealthy situation so you can breath again... whatever it is.....
I heard this on an audio book I was listening to yesterday...and it is such VERY sound advice!
*Don't look only at how far you have to go,
but in HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME , consider your progress!*
So let's get up, have a little cry if need be .....brush the tears of frustration away...and use anything opposing us, anything telling us that we CAN' T achieve our goals as fuel for the transforming fire instead!
